Embrace

I'm a choking a bit as I see you coming closer. My cold blood starts agitating and soon to boil. You grab my hand, and I don't know why are you still doing that. I hate it. I love you do it. It's hurting my every cell and still I find nothing else more pleasant to do than to let you do it. You seek my eyes, but they're guarded. Shaded, fixating the earth, in a such manner that I could even shatter it. I don't want you to see my weakness, although you know I'm weak. I'm fond of your embrace, but I must not let it happen.
I'm damaged goods, but you never cared about that, you're the only person still alive that trusted me blindly, even in the moment I decided the paths we're following should split. You knew what I was trying to do, and under the tears of bitterness you promised to obey my will. I try to lay down words, thinking of you, but every word goes empty as it's formed. Cause nothing mortal can envelop my toughts, my feelings. And useless as me is the fact that I always try.
And now after this much time, you still stand serene, holding my hand. Although my hatred still consumes, and my touch still vanishes in shadows, you belive in me. Even now. Even now, when I let your hand fall down, and push you again away. My only hope remains you'll stay the same, pure and twisted as I first felt in love with you. And stay like this until I will be able to cure my curse, to heal my demonic wounds. And if this is meant not to happen, all Universe, and even you will know, that there was no moment in my life when my soul stopped being yours.