Why so grey?

I've been asked where all this grey clouds come from? What happened to me that turned me into what I am. Why no smile?
Well, I am different... not special or good. As I covered some of this in my walk I just have different perspectives and another purpose. I do smile. I do cry. I hate and love all the same, just as you do. Just that in my eternal turmoil, I do it to the extremes. While life is almost always grey shaded, my nuances are deep white or dark. Mixing them will get me nowhere else but in this grey zone.
I snap like a tense cable and I swallow resentment that others would find despicable. It is just what and how I am. You don't have to agree with me, and for all sake, you don't have to be like me. All you can do is listen. Listen to something that you might never hear by yourself. A song so sad that will break the stones of the mountains. So deep that oceans could not compete. A linear string of notes uncommon for most of the living ones, but that doesn't require understanding to enjoy it.
So I am nothing else than you, just lit and set aflame different. Just a rock, no more precious or distinct, but formed with other layers of forgotten sand. And we're here just to complete a background for a painting way more complicated and deep than both of us.

Obsession

It's pretty difficult going through a day without hearing people repeating in a deafening resonance the same stories, the same topics, to a point it becomes difficult to even withstand those persons. Some might blame this to a sense of boredom, in a way that a person's life doesn't provide anything new,fragrant and vibrant, or it can be just the pure fact of obsession over things. And this is what I'm gonna cover for now. The obsession of thoughts is a very well crafted two edged blade. On one side it can drive you towards some goal that you've set in view for quite a while. The failure in reaching that spot, or the difficulty in getting it to work as you intended can push it towards obsession. And this can be good in a moderate and well controlled amount. But anywhere beyond that very gray and faded line ,the obsession becomes a very powerful tool that start working against you. It is normal to realize it,cause usually comes with a stream of pressure. And while it will still remain a arrow that targets your goal, it will take it's toll by making you daily life overloaded. Stressful, sleepless, agitated like a fish in a way too small aquarium.
So you have to let go, because most of the times,the goal isn't worthy of the sacrifices and the things you'll cut back or loose in the process.
It is difficult... maybe more than anything else you'll experience. You may find yourself in questioning if it will be the right thing to do, that you are possibly close to the objective. Don't fool yourself. Just burn it, bury it and start fresh. A new goal, or the same but using very different approach.
The end point is that almost never is good obsessing over anything. The first step you have to pinpoint is when you actually start doing it. Cause then you can act on cutting back with minimal to no damage.
Don't disregard the effects of obsession. After all, it's still what I said it is... a blade.

Photo: Rob Wiltshire  

Numb

I feel tired. Drowning in my own calm seas, seas I've created with disregard of the fact that in truth I cannot swim. The gestures that my hands make are complex and intricate, but serve for nothing. Like my skin stands covered in a layer of mud, my sense became unable to adapt to anything. I feel an "old dinosaur". Pinned in a point that surges my veins with sore thoughts.
Winds took pieces of me. Shape-shifted by them, like a mountain edge, I stand witness to the time passing by. I have no other choice than to stand there, armed with the patience that abandoned me ages ago. And embrace my endless destiny.
No human made apocalypse, not the Sun gulping the Earth, nothing can make it end. Bound by the depths of time I, like an Egyptian effigy stand still, impervious to a common mortal life. I die and get reborn again every day like a cruel joke, a way diminished version of the gods.
So lay now besides me, as long as the life allows you. Be a part of something that although I don't yet fully understand, is something bigger. Freeze in this allegory. It will come that day when I'll figure out everything that is to know. A day when I'll be able to round up the concept of what my life was. Or the fact that I never actually lived.


Photo: Master Isolated Images