Fairly...

I can say I am fairly intoxicated by this point.Not with the life or so,but...alcohol.To convey my shame I think that all the people subject to being called genius had a unusual love for acohol.Somehow I think is logic to numb your brain if you want to live in a lesser world.It's about pleasure.I enjoy a cold beer in a summer heat, I adore a wine sparkling on my lips.I cover myself in the smoke of a cigarette,and above I love my girl. A woman screwed up by life just enough to cope with the level that I'm fucked up. A smothering silk skin with the perfume of flowers yet not discovered by humans.Divine in her plea for my soul. A concept for my life. Just a simple symphony that Mozart in all his past and current glory couldn't have written.
I am damned for my sins and the sins of thousands of souls I have slaughtered. Passed redemption in a way that no human immagined god can deliver me from. I fear nothing. No , I have feared nothing. Creating disgust in people souls and rejected by most I have constrained myself to seek pleasure and relief in most mundane,yet undiscoverable things. Luck is something I don't believe in,still I am amazed by it.How else could such a woman find me? Being far of immature touch,and still so fresh and fragile, I owe her nothing less but my breath. You,my beloved reader might not understand. I am bound by birth to love once. I am sickened enough by flesh to be mistaken. But through all that, when I go to sleep, I see her eyes. Foolishly trying to find in me a touch of humanity,and so lovely I cannot ignore.I know the debt for being me. And I am likely to lose the things I cherish.It's likely for me to lose her. But my friend,you are my witness that no matter how my cursed corpse will decay, and how corrupted my inside will be, I will always love the woman who hanged herself above my restless fire, just to make me see I can still be loved. And I trust in you, that when my mind would finally leave me,and my tremor will be a constant one, you'll tell her how much I loved her every heartbeat.And what nothingness I'll feel if she would,even for fair reasons,leave me.

Update RO 2.1

I am writeing this because someone outside my beloved's country borders asked me how are we doing.And besides you are most like fed up with my inner struggle for rationality.

Well, just to throw them in, lately our country is going like this:

- high chance for increasing the number and value of taxes of all sort.

- dinner tickets, gift tickets, and banking commisions will be taxed.

- increased real estate tax value.

- aproximately 200.000 employees of companies belonging to Romanian state will be set loose.

- the remaining ones will have theis salaries cut with 25% and pensions are to be cut by 15% with a fair chance that next year there will be no salaries or pensions at all.

- and so much more...

The taxing towards banks scare me the most. Banks will never lose. Instead thousands of small companies that are already being raped by the Economy Ministry will get in bigger trouble.Forced even to declare a bankruptcy that...wait...we don't have a well set Bankruptcy Law.So what's to come?

Besides my fear that somehow I'll get unable to savor a Tiramiù when I want,or even to pay bills for daily used services, I am thinking at other poor bastards like old people living with one,or even less euro per day.And when I said this,it's not an actual amount to get freaky with...from that money you still have to pay your energy,gas,etc...who needs food anyway? Being crude I think that old people will one day soon be delivered by death.A fair share.But what about me? I still have, let's say half a century to live.

Now I must see what someone said to me about six years ago: "Love your country, be proud of where you come from, but go and live somewhere else".Wise man indeed.