Routine

I wake up gently, without a noise, more smooth than a lake's crystal surface. But when I turn around I realise like just ripped from another dimension that you are not here.

My days became filled with a collage of dreams and altered reality. I still cook for two, still with love for doing it. So we sit there, me and the empty chair, looking at eachother, without judging or questioning the other's sanity. It's for the best.

I recheck the door. It's open, open as I've left it during the night, just in case you have no keys. I slowly go down the stairs to check my mail and...nothing. Not even the ever annoying overlycolored advertising junk.

So I stay inside the house, gliding now and then through the rooms just to make sure I haven't missplaced you. Scared to leave this self-made jail, because I might miss your return.

I look at the clock and make a run for it... maybe I can find you. But although filled with people of all sort, disappointed and lost, I break the bad news to me; you're not at the airport. Not in the skies, not outside touching the rain, not at this cornered table over which I remember your smile.

Back home, I search again, like a lunatic. Nothing. Even the dust is like I left it.

Going to sleep, in the hope that my wounds will close at night. And as I lay down in the cold bed, I hear again the same mocking voice in the wind "she is not coming".

Testament

I am gonna start this letter as anyone will start it. If you see this, means I'm no more. Dead. Finally.

And that's about it. That's about everything this letter has in common with any other human's.

Volunteer or not, the time has decided that my turn arrived. No time to pack bags, not even to wave a shallow goodbye. You'll come to see my body, but know that I am not there anymore. What you see, is now a fully reached vessel. It is now completely what it always was; a shell... an empty shell. And as the earth fed me all along, it is just to repay my ancestral debt. Trees will feed their roots from me, then slowly let me linger in their leafs, glowing until the autumn's rust, under the burning sun. Then I will fall, cover myself with blanket of snow, resting as deserved, dreaming of spring. And in a way or another, it will all repeat. My gift for the nature.

As for you, don't falter. Take in your every step the joy of being once loved as no mortal could love or be loved.

With my death, my love won't decay, won't disipate. Cause something as great cannot just stop existing. Like a broken dam's water, now it flows. Don't mourn. Shine, recognizing that the shackles of mortality were broken. No longer am I bound to something earthen. So I am free as never before. To soar into the skies and reaches of the Universe.

Bathe in my feelings now, as they scour everything that surrounds you. I'll be the chill in the lost rain. The savage bite of the winter's wind. The air that rests on your skin day after day. The dust of stars that will enchant your dreams.

I know I've failed you so many times. The vocal shards that hurt so much...so deep. Yet you stood tall. Like a seal upon my arm, present there in the nothingness that sometimes I was transformed in.

My love is now complete as never before. With nothing to hold it back, it will envelop you in a living dance.It is right to feel hurt cause I am gone. But soothe my soul, day after day, by feeling me everywhere I am. I wouldn't leave you alone. And know that I will wait for the day when we would fly with the winds...together again.

Not yours

I am not yours, I don't belong to you

My flight will take me throught the neverending clouds

I am not bound to anything humane

Making my life from earth and lightning sounds.

I am not owned ,nor shackled.I am free

From all that scare the pure and glowing charm

The flicker in my eye will never see

What else is there but recklesness and harm.

So I'm not yours, don't call my name tonight

I am not anyone's and none to hear my plight.

I roam alone like wind in desert storms

While shifting in my deadly forms.

I told you, I'm not yours, I'm nothing to be owned

I'm not a flower that you bought one day

But what I am, a wanderer on road.

That begs you to arrange a place to stay.

As foolish as I am,I knew it all along

That this whole world I've lost myself within

It's the same world I'm sworn to; and belong

to it so much, like nothing that was seen

My this whole realm,that I reside with love

It's only you...as you wouldn't have known

That every pulse, and every drop of blood.

It's born as it will die for you. It's shown

So all my skies,my rivers and my lands.

In which I bathe myself as a free man

Are nothing more than cells of your sweet smile...

The smile towards my whole life always ran.

The Good and the Evil

Old topic, and how it's old...

For the people out there that believe in deities, well, good for you. But food for thought... I am looking in pity upon most cause they fail to do even what they claim they know.The Bible... or how I'd rather look upon it, a code of conduct. If there is one out there that never stepped outside the border, raise your hands. Come on, raise them. Nothing? Well, at least you're honest. And now, fear the eternal burning of Hell's flames. Or not. Cause what most of you think, is that there is absolution. A sort of "the end justifies the means". But no, no ,no.You don't deserve it. It's not that simple. You cannot mistake and then repent. Well, you can pretend to, even try to, but the truth is that you have no idea to where your defiance extends. You are not worthy of anything. The book you read and base you deity upon says it, and I say it. I am exhausted by the fake puritanism that travels the streets. Even more so, it has become a social puritanism. Cause we both know what happens behind closed door. When you are alone... I see your visions. I feel your anger and the judgement you, in the end, are not entitled to have.

Now let's go to the other team... the "evil" team. Sects of mentally damaged people, with no such book as the Bible to rely on (or just as well they might have one... like the Bible... wrote by humans). Now, they perform rituals, sacrifices, and mass suicide. Something new, something old. Goat slaughter is not a new age thing, it's old and it's Jewish. You know... the "chosen" ones. All 144.000 of them. Symbolic of course. Too little some of you might say. I'd say too many. An exaggeration. Cause, my dear believing reader, if you look indepth on everything that's written, you'll find that the mentioned 144.000 are not members of a nation, nor a religion. They are the sealed ones. To clarify on short what... well, who are those, those are the non followers. They don't attain the goals of a religion, or a church or a book. They don't guide their life by what it's preached to them. They feel life as it is; pure, true.

Now....back to the "evil" team. If the Devil exists as an antithesis to another "good" deity, I cannot immagine that he could look at these "satanic" cults without burying it's face in it's hands saying "These morons are a complete disgrace". Cause don't be fooled. If you think it exists, then it is after all a deity. A character you can't even grasp to understand. And as for everything that's above you, even enemy if might be, hold respect. So, yes, if you an all "god fearing" person, fail (don't be mistaken, you do) to accomplish and uphold everything your guide book says, don't think that the others perform better. And, being it a guide book, the Bible that is, it's still whole. And feel it true when someone will tell you, even your adorned church leader, that you need to comply only to some parts of the book (no wonder they read all year long the same parts), take it, and slap your priest to reality. No, I'm not telling you to go get a circumcision or burn some sheep fat on oak lumber.

Just... wake up...

Stop trying to be a follower of something. Be instead a decent human.

Photo: Federico Stevanin

In front of me

My reader. I understand your pain... Yes,I've been drinking again.Like an addict I claim I have no problem. The quintessence of all things runs through my veins like a mud filled river. Tonight I close my eyes understanding that I've lost my own game. How foolish! How can you lose a game you've made all the rules for? Well, I can't answer you that. I'm darkened in my sight, and all I say to you now might become irrelevant... like me.

I look at the sky and see, as geek as I might be even in this troubled hour, Neptune. The first planet to be discovered by mathematical calculations rather that just observing. In a pushing method it's the same way... it's feeling rather than seeing. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I don't know...I don't know anything for certain..anything beyond any doubt for a while now. What I urge you to do though, is look at the sky... see the star...the planet in front of you. Then close your eyes, and slowly, let it corrupt your senses. Until you'll only see what really matters in life. In your life...

Ring

I call again for you Arvae. For understanding and wisdom. I've listened a washed ashore seashell. And it too,was silent. My ring... my link with the other worlds has broken. I still don't know when or how. Just now I feel myself washed ashore husk. Drifted on sands and muted, with all the words I knew once that now remain forgotten.

I knew this day will come one day. When I'll succumb to mortality without any notice. When my touch will fade amongst the trees. A poltergeist. With nothing to keep my remains together, I cannot even cry for help. Useless as the rain soaked dust.

I fear that I've become what I hated and despised... I tremor at the thought that I'm now one of your beloved creatures... a human. Cursed to obey the laws of flesh. Doomed to... feel? Feel for things that I've looked down upon. For every little thing that made me along the ages to crave for something different. To feel for things that made me feel I don't belong with them. I am mostly lost,without being able to hear my own thoughts. If so, it is well possible that you won't even hear me. If so, no one will hear me...

Photo: Tom Curtis