The Good and the Evil

Old topic, and how it's old...

For the people out there that believe in deities, well, good for you. But food for thought... I am looking in pity upon most cause they fail to do even what they claim they know.The Bible... or how I'd rather look upon it, a code of conduct. If there is one out there that never stepped outside the border, raise your hands. Come on, raise them. Nothing? Well, at least you're honest. And now, fear the eternal burning of Hell's flames. Or not. Cause what most of you think, is that there is absolution. A sort of "the end justifies the means". But no, no ,no.You don't deserve it. It's not that simple. You cannot mistake and then repent. Well, you can pretend to, even try to, but the truth is that you have no idea to where your defiance extends. You are not worthy of anything. The book you read and base you deity upon says it, and I say it. I am exhausted by the fake puritanism that travels the streets. Even more so, it has become a social puritanism. Cause we both know what happens behind closed door. When you are alone... I see your visions. I feel your anger and the judgement you, in the end, are not entitled to have.

Now let's go to the other team... the "evil" team. Sects of mentally damaged people, with no such book as the Bible to rely on (or just as well they might have one... like the Bible... wrote by humans). Now, they perform rituals, sacrifices, and mass suicide. Something new, something old. Goat slaughter is not a new age thing, it's old and it's Jewish. You know... the "chosen" ones. All 144.000 of them. Symbolic of course. Too little some of you might say. I'd say too many. An exaggeration. Cause, my dear believing reader, if you look indepth on everything that's written, you'll find that the mentioned 144.000 are not members of a nation, nor a religion. They are the sealed ones. To clarify on short what... well, who are those, those are the non followers. They don't attain the goals of a religion, or a church or a book. They don't guide their life by what it's preached to them. They feel life as it is; pure, true.

Now....back to the "evil" team. If the Devil exists as an antithesis to another "good" deity, I cannot immagine that he could look at these "satanic" cults without burying it's face in it's hands saying "These morons are a complete disgrace". Cause don't be fooled. If you think it exists, then it is after all a deity. A character you can't even grasp to understand. And as for everything that's above you, even enemy if might be, hold respect. So, yes, if you an all "god fearing" person, fail (don't be mistaken, you do) to accomplish and uphold everything your guide book says, don't think that the others perform better. And, being it a guide book, the Bible that is, it's still whole. And feel it true when someone will tell you, even your adorned church leader, that you need to comply only to some parts of the book (no wonder they read all year long the same parts), take it, and slap your priest to reality. No, I'm not telling you to go get a circumcision or burn some sheep fat on oak lumber.

Just... wake up...

Stop trying to be a follower of something. Be instead a decent human.

Photo: Federico Stevanin

In front of me

My reader. I understand your pain... Yes,I've been drinking again.Like an addict I claim I have no problem. The quintessence of all things runs through my veins like a mud filled river. Tonight I close my eyes understanding that I've lost my own game. How foolish! How can you lose a game you've made all the rules for? Well, I can't answer you that. I'm darkened in my sight, and all I say to you now might become irrelevant... like me.

I look at the sky and see, as geek as I might be even in this troubled hour, Neptune. The first planet to be discovered by mathematical calculations rather that just observing. In a pushing method it's the same way... it's feeling rather than seeing. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I don't know...I don't know anything for certain..anything beyond any doubt for a while now. What I urge you to do though, is look at the sky... see the star...the planet in front of you. Then close your eyes, and slowly, let it corrupt your senses. Until you'll only see what really matters in life. In your life...

Ring

I call again for you Arvae. For understanding and wisdom. I've listened a washed ashore seashell. And it too,was silent. My ring... my link with the other worlds has broken. I still don't know when or how. Just now I feel myself washed ashore husk. Drifted on sands and muted, with all the words I knew once that now remain forgotten.

I knew this day will come one day. When I'll succumb to mortality without any notice. When my touch will fade amongst the trees. A poltergeist. With nothing to keep my remains together, I cannot even cry for help. Useless as the rain soaked dust.

I fear that I've become what I hated and despised... I tremor at the thought that I'm now one of your beloved creatures... a human. Cursed to obey the laws of flesh. Doomed to... feel? Feel for things that I've looked down upon. For every little thing that made me along the ages to crave for something different. To feel for things that made me feel I don't belong with them. I am mostly lost,without being able to hear my own thoughts. If so, it is well possible that you won't even hear me. If so, no one will hear me...

Photo: Tom Curtis

Walk...

The winter dulled my senses. Maybe it was the cold of it or the fact that I slept so long. To refresh everything,I took a day off from everything and walked outside. Not to do something as usual but just... walk. I felt under my feet the mourning of the leafs fallen the past autumn. I have listened their vanquishing words as I was moving along, pushed gently by a breeze that for reasons above any knowledge was strange to me. Buildings and people were passing by me as my whole Universe wasn't moving. I found a bench under a tree and seemingly I rushed towards it, like an unsatiable call for rest was overwhelming me. Sitting there I have looked upon couples taking a walk, kids anxiously heading back home from school, cars, birds, everything, like in a Degas pastel. And innevitable for me was to ask myself the question: Why do all these things resemble happiness? They look upon life and treat it and deal with it with love. Placing a smile now and then, to soften the day. Dreaming and wishing. So why,now being a peon of the flesh curse, I cannot do that? Why can't I feel that exuberating joy, even childish, even for a second? The smile is running from my face and the tears of joy never gifted me their presence.

I felt anger and repulsion. For me. Like death itself yearning for all that's human and mortal. What is wrong with me?

Hours might have passed by and my faulty rationality haven't gave me an answer yet. So I decided it's useless to keep trying. To find answers to questions that maybe shouldn't have existed in the first place. But as I raised my dusty body a beam of the sun,preparing itself to go away, fell on me. I looked around and ...no one... no one was sharing that ray,or any other for that matter. And then it struck me. I finally realized that was nothing wrong with me.Was nothing wrong with the others I've seen enjoying the day. We just had different paths. Different purposes. When night is about to fall upon the world, my reign begins.

There are things and people out there that will defile the joy and the serenity of the ones I saw. So I, have been gifted with a cause. My absent smile, my pure hatred and vengeful soul...they are not curses.They are not flaws. I have to stand tall and safeguard what I cherish. What I valor and honor. Because the truth is,my dear reader that the world is sick. And somehow the taint needs to be kept away. Then hate me,point fingers and despise me.I am not a saviour or a hero.The fate has chosen me and not viceversa. Just to realize that you cannot fight fire with flowers and smiles, I will fight fire with more fire. And if that's not enough, I shall release the very flame that burns inside me. It will be the end of me,but when that day comes, I too will burn, holding my head up,and finally smile back. To the people that found and knew the purpose of life. To the cold buildings. To the fallen leafs that were mourning under my feet. Maybe crying my faith, or hurting for the burdens that I will have to carry.

Photo: Graur Codrin

Reper

I am sorry is has been so long. Time to gather my forces, scattered all over the sands of the immortality. My eyes gather sometimes small clusters of salty water. As the seas you're now sliding upon. I've built my life so I don't regret what's past, yet here I am regreting you. You're gone, in a world I can no longer touch. A wind so subtle and fragile that my lips won't dare to defy, speaking words that have no sense tied to them.

I wasn't there when you passed away. So how can I set glory to the courage you inspired me with? So coward, and lifeless. That day, not only you have died, but I died too, like a song that everyone is to repulsed to sing. No one can soothe my regret and torment, and even if you maybe forgave me, my burden stands.

How I'd wish you could be here. See what I do, feel what I dream. Watch proud upon the woman I love, and only once, smile again. But is too late now. Just know that as long as my heart beats, and my soul still lingers around searching for serenity, you are a part of me.

Photo: Evgeni Dinev

Forgetting

Do you remember if I call, one by one my restless days?

The mighty statues we created for our raging silent plays?

The olives that sometimes just sheltered a running kiss I stole from you

And memories that we succeded to craft them into something new?

Not bored by crying, I adore you, as solar dust you glow insane

A healing wound, sometimes it itches in such a way, not to forget

The kindest error you commited without expecting any gain...

I am still wandering... a shadow... do you remember how we met?

A thunder. Crazy. Sky is falling

In little tears that wash away my shame

Sinister screeching of an owl,

I fear and I love the same

No matter all the noise, just rest now and fall a feather on my chest

Cause after all, from time to time, even the muses go to rest

I'll guard the entrance of the Hell

I'll guard the entrance of your heart

I'll guard whatever needs salvation, without me taking any part.

So, well ...

Just dream as always and dream in choices something new

Don't mind the scattered tiny noises that maybe in your path I threw

Because I know all is forgotten in sickening and endless churn

So now, remember me and smile, cause one day it will be my turn.

Of past

I have been Hell bound. The wicked Devil asked me why do I think I was there. No answer other than " I'm dead" struck me. He started laughing as he gestured for me to follow him. I saw no lava fields, no pots of smelted tar. No little demons walking around with tridents. Just plain fields of high grown grass, as the Devil and I were walking.He turned to me and said: "Nothing you imagined, right? Nothing that books or other mortals told you. Be certain...this is the hell. But you are not here for the sins you committed. How can I judge you for something you were born with?" As he was saying this we came close to a pond, so clear that I could have sworn there were two of me. "You are here to see what your past.Here, you have a silver coin.If you want to change your past,just throw it in the pond".

Words barely finished and I was already in another place. Nightmares of my deeds started piercing my skin. I saw loved ones I lost. I was just standing there, amazed by the pastel set up by the Devil as he understood what I have done. The mourning of the people that perished under my voice made me realize that Hell, is not a place.It's not imagination either.It's the mistakes of your mortal life.

The sky darkened as I walked upon these desert lands.I could hear the torment in the winds and feel the pain of so many lost lives .The ground was shaking on my every move, while eerie images encumbered my already shadowed mind. A scenario that could scare anyone. I gave up, and wanted to change my past. I looked again in the pond that for all I could tell was following me around, and flipping the coin in my hand I was thinking. But in the end I didn't threw it.

I understood that by doing it I'll also lose what I have and who I am. And who I have. Roaming with nothing else than my will, I felt no despair. Cause I knew that at the end of my journey, I will find her waiting for me.

I woke up and knew it was just a dream. Gratefull, I walked to her and locked her in my arms. I felt at ease and reliefed. In such a way, that my sight totally missed the silver coin near my pillow.