Clean

We've all been there where our actions turned into a creepling seed for future interactions. The
burden of it all and the heavy pressure on your shoulders were too much to take.So you've "spilled
the beans".Coming clean about something was never more frown upon than today. Because today when
you'll do such thing you'll be labeled as a selfish person. Trying to unload the burden and the
guilt by coming clean, with disregard of the injuries caused to the person you're opening up to.
So I have one question; are you freaking insane? Since when have we hit that bottom line that
classifies us as self centered bastards for telling the truth?! Granted, there is no other thing
that can hurt like the truth but in all honesty, grow a pair. How can you point a finger towards
someone that enables the truth blaming them for it. Certainly a person can be accused and judged
for their actions or lack of, but the self righteous confession to be trashed is lunacy. Of course
someone can live happily in ignorance and painfully with the truth,but does that make the truth
expendable? Or the fact that the said person is by universal law entitled to know the truth as it
is? Only now in this rotting society can you blame someone for being honest. Cause honor no longer
means anything to most of us. Although not precisely comfortable, I understand the value of pain
if it comes as a side effect of truth. I'd chop off the finger of the ignorant self-indulgent
humans. That finger that points towards someone that comes on their knees to put out the reality.
Confessing the truth might not be easy at all. And whomever thinks that doing that will set you
soul pain free is an idiot beyond any acceptable idiocy standard. No one is perfect and we are
bound to mistake. I don't like mistakes. Not to make them, and not to be made towards me. But I
will never punish or be able to understand the logic behind someone who does so, the person who
brings up the honest reality. Being it sense of guilt or whatever else might have triggered this
spontaneous confession, it is glorious. It is the free and pure sign that we, as a humankind
haven't already gone beyond redemption.

Why so grey?

I've been asked where all this grey clouds come from? What happened to me that turned me into what I am. Why no smile?
Well, I am different... not special or good. As I covered some of this in my walk I just have different perspectives and another purpose. I do smile. I do cry. I hate and love all the same, just as you do. Just that in my eternal turmoil, I do it to the extremes. While life is almost always grey shaded, my nuances are deep white or dark. Mixing them will get me nowhere else but in this grey zone.
I snap like a tense cable and I swallow resentment that others would find despicable. It is just what and how I am. You don't have to agree with me, and for all sake, you don't have to be like me. All you can do is listen. Listen to something that you might never hear by yourself. A song so sad that will break the stones of the mountains. So deep that oceans could not compete. A linear string of notes uncommon for most of the living ones, but that doesn't require understanding to enjoy it.
So I am nothing else than you, just lit and set aflame different. Just a rock, no more precious or distinct, but formed with other layers of forgotten sand. And we're here just to complete a background for a painting way more complicated and deep than both of us.

Obsession

It's pretty difficult going through a day without hearing people repeating in a deafening resonance the same stories, the same topics, to a point it becomes difficult to even withstand those persons. Some might blame this to a sense of boredom, in a way that a person's life doesn't provide anything new,fragrant and vibrant, or it can be just the pure fact of obsession over things. And this is what I'm gonna cover for now. The obsession of thoughts is a very well crafted two edged blade. On one side it can drive you towards some goal that you've set in view for quite a while. The failure in reaching that spot, or the difficulty in getting it to work as you intended can push it towards obsession. And this can be good in a moderate and well controlled amount. But anywhere beyond that very gray and faded line ,the obsession becomes a very powerful tool that start working against you. It is normal to realize it,cause usually comes with a stream of pressure. And while it will still remain a arrow that targets your goal, it will take it's toll by making you daily life overloaded. Stressful, sleepless, agitated like a fish in a way too small aquarium.
So you have to let go, because most of the times,the goal isn't worthy of the sacrifices and the things you'll cut back or loose in the process.
It is difficult... maybe more than anything else you'll experience. You may find yourself in questioning if it will be the right thing to do, that you are possibly close to the objective. Don't fool yourself. Just burn it, bury it and start fresh. A new goal, or the same but using very different approach.
The end point is that almost never is good obsessing over anything. The first step you have to pinpoint is when you actually start doing it. Cause then you can act on cutting back with minimal to no damage.
Don't disregard the effects of obsession. After all, it's still what I said it is... a blade.

Photo: Rob Wiltshire  

Numb

I feel tired. Drowning in my own calm seas, seas I've created with disregard of the fact that in truth I cannot swim. The gestures that my hands make are complex and intricate, but serve for nothing. Like my skin stands covered in a layer of mud, my sense became unable to adapt to anything. I feel an "old dinosaur". Pinned in a point that surges my veins with sore thoughts.
Winds took pieces of me. Shape-shifted by them, like a mountain edge, I stand witness to the time passing by. I have no other choice than to stand there, armed with the patience that abandoned me ages ago. And embrace my endless destiny.
No human made apocalypse, not the Sun gulping the Earth, nothing can make it end. Bound by the depths of time I, like an Egyptian effigy stand still, impervious to a common mortal life. I die and get reborn again every day like a cruel joke, a way diminished version of the gods.
So lay now besides me, as long as the life allows you. Be a part of something that although I don't yet fully understand, is something bigger. Freeze in this allegory. It will come that day when I'll figure out everything that is to know. A day when I'll be able to round up the concept of what my life was. Or the fact that I never actually lived.


Photo: Master Isolated Images

Trust

What is trust? I think you've said or heard the expression "Trust me". And it comes pretty easily to use, but can you really trust that person? Or even more than that, can you be trusted?

Well, first, the trust whatever might it be in essence, is earned. "Given trust" just like that, by default is a mistake. So you possibly think that a person you trust is a person that can save you from danger in a life threatening situation. But factually you need to trust that person with your day. Daily based, life is more difficult than death.

Assuming that you will find a right path and a right person toenable that fuzzy refreshing feeling, that comfort of decision named trust, you might find yourself in the next situation; the betrayal.And this can have two forms. It's either the fact that your whole trust assigning process is rotten, or it's target was unworthy of it. The best way to spot the issue and if it is your thought or the person is realizing how many times this happened to you so far. If you are consttanlty let down by people you entrust, then you have to reconsider the ways you let yourself trust. It is crucial to understand and perfect this, like any other aspect of your life. You might come as a harsh and cold hearted in this transition, but keep in mind how necessary it is.

Trust comes in various shapes and sizes. It is specific and personal for each individual. There isn't such thing as an universal recipe for it. Tailored by one's spirit and personality, it can be perfected only from inside. A self made custom product that can enable, if handled right, a whole new and brilliant path to guide your steps through the daily mayhem delivered by our human existence.

Salt

So let's talk...salt.I haven't yet swapped the content on my posts towards cooking nor inorganic chemistry. I am in search of the salt that resides in our beings. And if you ask in what way or what salt, well, let me try and paste a picture. Just moments ago I was mentioning cooking. Some roast... mashed potatoes... some sauce, pasta, pickles, chocolate even. All nice,with flavor. But then get those cooked without salt. No salt at all. The all round enhanced taste is gone. The roast tastes like... plastic. And so on.
Salt is not the most complex and complete product. You cannot have only that and get by. But you definitely need it in order to spice up your food and in this particular case, your soul. So I kept thinking what is this salt? I don't know yet. You might have encountered people that besides their almost identical appearance or structure... moral or immoral grounds of their personality, they are so distinct that all you can do is wonder.
We might have ideologies, qualities and defects, and they are all part of who we are. And they are common in existence to all. Not the same, or the same quantity, because after all we're individual beings. But what not all have is this... salt.And unlike gastronomy, I feel that a person cannot have too much of it.
This salt is sometimes visible to a trained eye. A spark in someone's look. Or the delicate touch that someone lands on something or another someone. In might be a sort of inner peace, case in which I am sad to realize I have none of it. Yet by now you know already that I'm not the top of the human food chain, and there should be no surprise if I get outrun by others.
So while I keep searching for the exact definition of this "salt" that resides in some of our souls, I'd urge you to do the same. And by that I don't mean specific finding a definition, but finding the salt in you.

Equinox

Today, at 9:04 am GMT, the equinox "hit". At that point the day was as long as the night, and from there on, the night will only get more and more territorial, grabbing her rightful place. And with it I revive. The days will be filled with darkness and cold, resembling a bit my will, and the remains of my soul. I love everything that is to come beyond this date, escalating until the winter solstice, when the night is at it's peak. Why do I or what's to love about it? Well, the dead cold silence. No more the fuss of people roaming around, tourists, joggers. And the ones that will remain will be deserving of it. Whomever dares defy the slicing cold and the rarity of life forms has my respect and gratitude.
The trees will turn brown. The air will fill your lungs with power, feeling it reaching for each bone. Birds will fly away or find shelter. The nature's life as we know it, is preparing for a hold. And when our reign comes to an end, only the deserving ones would have made it through.
So, slowly, children of the summer, gather your things and be on your way. Now the time is ours. And we intend to benefit from it. Held in captivity for over 6 months we are now ready to erupt and lay our dry cold touch on the world.